Kalabunga Kelvingrove!

Kalabunga Kelvingrove!


The Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum dominates the top of pretty much every Things To Do in Glasgow list and so I decided to head there. I’ve actually been a couple of times before, but this place is so big that I don’t think I’ve seen it all. Actually, I DEFINITELY haven’t seen it all – the three times I have been there I wondered around the same rooms and every time I tried to find another, I ended up at the exit and took that as a sign to go home, make a sandwich, and try to come up with at least one intelligent thought about the things I did see. The only thing I pondered this time was how much this made me giggle:


Seriously, what is this? There was no caption with it and so I couldn’t help but imagine what was going through this woman’s mind. If I let go of my boob, I will die a terrible death; Maybe if I hold my boob long enough, I will grow legsIf that bird on my shoulder thinks it is going to get my right boob, it is WRONGand I am so horny, yet SO CONFUSED were a few of the captions I could come up with. She really was a bit of an enigma, but it was also in the room of beauty, which was nice. I thought that if more people were to perceive this sort of look as beautiful then we would all have to spend a lot less time in front of the mirror. Although, maybe angrily grabbing our boobs in public would be a bit weird.

Also in the room of beauty was a picture of the Virgin Mary (I’m guessing because of the whole pure, innocent thing); Brad Pitt whose “appearance helped him become a successful movie star” (his success shouldn’t have anything to do with his appearance, but whatever); Cleopatra (it was a picture of Elizabeth Taylor when she played her in a film so I don’t know who they’re saying is beautiful), and Jo Spence who photographed herself when she had breast cancer to show that disfigured and scarred bodies are beautiful too (I have nothing sarky to say about her: I loved her photos). There were also these happy chappies –


– who look like they’re enjoying a really good gathering of some sort. You can just tell they cause havoc when the doors close and everything comes to life – the wee rascals.

I then moved upstairs to have a look at some of the paintings, yet I must admit, I feel a bit lost when it comes to art. I just either like things…or I don’t. There are some paintings in the gallery that seemed as though a two year old had done, but then there were others like Salvador Dali’s painting of St John of the Cross that literally glued me to the spot and made all the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. The painting depicts, in an extreme high angle, Jesus Christ on the cross in a darkened sky above a beach where there’s someone fishing in a boat. Christ’s face is hidden and there’s no blood…there’s nothing exactly dramatic in the painting, but as a whole, it’s one of the most dramatic paintings I’ve ever seen.

I don’t know, maybe it’s Catholic guilt.

I also had a look at some stuffed animals, but they had no cats and so I got bored pretty quickly. Luckily for me, I passed this cutie on the way home –


– and practically chased it down the street until it showed me some affection.

So all in all, I enjoyed wondering around the Kelvingrove for the third time. It’s free, you might learn something, and their carrot cake in the downstairs cafe is to die for. Sadly, I think it was the carrot cake I felt most passionate about and the fact that the majority of my thoughts consisted of Yes, I like; No, I don’t like, and Ha, that’s funny; my suspicions that I would be devoid of any intelligent thought whatsoever, were indeed confirmed.

But damn, that carrot cake was good.



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