Ode to the Spar

Ode to the Spar

I can’t believe I have only four days left at work – SUMMER, Y U PASS SO QUICK?! – and despite sometimes wanting to blow my brains out just so I can leave early, I will actually miss the shop. And I’m GUTTED I won’t be around for the referendum as I suspect things will really heat up. Better Together handed in another leaflet the other day saying that if anyone was undecided about their vote, then he would be delighted to receive them for a cup of coffee and chat/brainwash. Everyone’s really taken to the leaflet, but I fear that this has nothing to do with politics, but rather with the fact that he is definitely the richest man in the village and so everyone just wants to see his house. I’ve seen it (babysitting his grandchildren) and it’s IMMENSE, although I spent the whole evening in fear that I would accidentally burn it down and stain the cream carpet in the process.

AND SO. Since I’ll be leaving soon and I really am hopeful that I will not return to work there again (this will NEVER happen), I thought I would write a slightly more positive blog about all the things I’ll miss. Here goes…

1) The new owners who, despite their over sharing of bowel movements, are lovely people and I really hope everything works out for them and that they somehow manage to make a profit on the entire stock of a closed down gift shop that they have just bought (it’s horrific).

2)The other staff who have, over the years, become like a second family, always making sure I eat well and am wearing enough clothes.

3) The mop. It’s massive and just GETS THE JOB DONE.

4) The hoover. I’ve never seen anything suck like this thing does.

5) The ten o’ clock tea break.

6) Lunchtime.

8) The three o’ clock tea break.

9) Closing time and closing on time.

10) Cashing-up and everything is SPOT ON. This feeling is truly orgasmic. Truly.

11) Getting called a “clever girl” for having the customers paper/fags/medication/milk on the desk before they ask for it. I should probably find this patronising, but I don’t. I’m savouring it all up before I return to university and the sweaty palms and dry mouth that come with the realisation that everybody in the room is far, far cleverer than myself.

12) Some customers.

13) The free samples of food (these are actually meant for the customers, but if the owners insist on putting lime and black pepper kettle chips right under my nose, then I WILL eat them).

There. I could definitely go on, but I’ve decided to finish on number thirteen as I’m trying to face the fear I have of this number head on. YOU’LL NEVER DEFEAT ME NUMBER 13. Aaaaand as I was writing, I just remembered that I agreed to work in the Spar over Christmas. So really this whole tribute/ode thing has been a bit melodramatic.

Oh well.

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