Happy new year, everyone! Did you all have a good holiday? Lots of fun, laughter, general merriment, drunkenness, hugs with friends, fights with the family?
I had a lovely time off. Well, despite my mum telling me that my legs had got really fat and then waking up to a Fitbit on Christmas morning. A FITBIT. There couldn’t be another present out there that isn’t anymore unlike me (does that make sense? I’m not really sure…). Although it’s actually turned out that my mum knows me better than myself (yet again) as I’ve really enjoyed having it. I get really depressed when I don’t make the average amount of steps so I’ve started going for long walks and/or runs. My Fitbit also tells me how many calories I’ve burned, which is a mega boost. Did you know that your body burns about 14oo calories just by staying alive? How awesome is that? So you can sit on the couch all day and perfectly justify having another packet of crips. That is so my kind of fitness!
Anyway (New Year’s Resolution Number 1: stop rambling on and just get to the point), I’ve decided to write a new kind of blog. AND I KNOW I KNOW I’VE DONE THIS BEFORE AND JUST GIVEN UP LIKE A HOPELESS DESPICABLE HUMAN BEING WHO CAN’T COMITT TO A SINGLE THING, but this time I’m really going to stick with it.
(I mean I might still cave, but I’m really, really, really going to try not to).
So what is it? Well, for about three months I’m going to try a different fad diet every weekend. I thought about doing it for a week, but then I thought I’ve got to have a realistic goal. There’s no WAY I’d stick a week eating nothing but ‘Prison Loaf’ (yes it’s an actual diet, yes it’s horrifying, and yes it’s on my list). I’ll document each day and each thing I eat and I might even make videos like those Tasty videos – although obviously I’ll have to call my videos ‘Disgusting’.
7th – 8th January: Vegan Weekend (nuts and stuff).
14th – 15th January: Russian Weekend (strange jelly food).
21st – 22nd January: Atkins Weekend (NO CARBS OMG).
28th – 29th January: Posh Weekend (Caviar, fois gras, quails eggs).
4th – 5th February: Baby Food Weekend (Jars of mush).
11th – 12th February: Raw Food Weekend (Animals that are still breathing).
18th – 19th February: Lebanese Weekend (I’m not sure what this is, but I’ve got a Lebanese friend who’s going to give me recipes).
25th – 26th February: Jamie Oliver Weekend (Bit of this, bit of that).
4th – 5th March: Prison Loaf Weekend: (Lots of loaves, no cutlery).
11th-12th March: Scottish Weekend (Sausage suppers, deep fried mars bars, haggis obz).
18th – 19th March: Low Carbon Weekend (Food that doesn’t kill the environment).
25th – 26th March: Five-Bite Weekend (Only allowed to take five bites of food).
1st-2nd April: 70s Cooking Weekend (70s food).
8th – 9th April: Palio Weekend (Diet of the Palaeolithic human).
15th – 16th April: The Zone Weekend (Meat that’s the size of your palm and one potato).
22nd – 23rd April: The Brian Butterfield Weekend (Day of fasting, day of binging).
So that’s my plan. If you have any other suggestions then please don’t let me know what they are in the comments because I’m already going to struggle with this lot. I don’t know what I want to achieve with this blog. I mean, it’s kind of insane that people actually seriously do some of these diets so it’ll be cool to see what two days of it will be like. Going vegan is a bit less extreme, which is why I thought I’d start with that, and it is actually really good for the environment so maybe if I find it ok for two days, I’ll do it for longer after the four months.
HA. Like that would EVER happen.