My Vegan Sunday

My Vegan Sunday

11:03 Ooft. I’m feeling a little hungover today, but I’m definitely not as bad as last weekend. Maybe being vegan helps your hangovers? This diet’s just getting better and better!

I’m watching Rick Stein’s Long Weekends at the minute and it’s my new favourite TV programme. I just love Rick Stein, I love his attitude to food, I love his way with people, I love his LIFE. Get this: he gets to travel around Europe, eat amazing food, and meet lots of amazing people who love food as much as him!!!!! HOW is that a job?! I really hope that he reads my blog one day and that he’ll love it so much that he’ll invite me onto his TV show. Maybe I can travel around with him and write about all the food we try and all the food he makes? He’d be getting a really good deal. He wouldn’t have to pay me (as long as he funded my accommodation) and I’d be like his own personal, positive food critic. I KNOW I wouldn’t have a bad word to say about any of his food. And I have a feeling we’d get on really well as well. We both share the same love of FAT and SALT and all of that delicious good stuff. And! He’s up a hill at the minute and he’s really scared because he doesn’t like heights. I’m pretty sure this dude is a long-lost uncle or something.

Rick, if you’re reading this, PLEASE TAKE ME ON YOUR FOOD TRAVELS YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED I PROMISE YOU.

Anyway. Because I’m a little hungover, I really fancied something a bit greasy and fatty for breakfast so I fried up some mushrooms (this time they were in date) and some potato scones, and I ate them with a big dollop of ketchup:

img_0679
FUCKING YUM.

It was delicious and it made me really, really, really, really, really happy.

OKAY, Rick is currently in a hot spring in Iceland and someone is literally feeding him lots of lovely food from the edge of the spring. He is also drinking champagne. That jammy bugger.

12:46 Like Rick, I take pride in the fact that I can pretty much eat anything. I may not like everything, but I sure can eat anything, and sometimes, I can even teach myself to like something. Today, however, I just wish this bravery I have when it comes to food could maybe be transferred into something else. Food and water sports – that’s all I can do. ANYTHING else (and I really do mean anything) tends to strike me with the fear of god.

This is basically just a roundabout way of saying that my first cycle in a city was TERRIFYING.

I grew up in the middle of nowhere. I’m not used to there being more than one car on the road at any given time, I’m not used to traffic lights or lanes, and I’m not used to there being so much people around ALL the time. But having said that, there was a little bit of the cycle that I really enjoyed. I haven’t been on a bike in so long and I forgot how much fun it is! I felt like I was ten years old again! So I really loved pottering around the streets near my flat, but then I came to a busy road and things started to get scary. Basically, I couldn’t make it to work. I tried to find the Water of Leith, but failed, I almost ran over a dog, I almost got ran over myself, and my helmet fell off.

BUT I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP.

I’m just going to get on my bike tomorrow and cycle to work on the main road. It’s really not that bad a road and at least I know exactly where I’m going. I’m going to do it. I am. But for now, I’m going to make some guacamole and drown my sorrows in it. I’m also going to have some bread. It’s the weekend and I want my carbs.

19:15 The guacamole wasn’t that nice. I used a lemon that was really old so I’m wondering if that made it taste a little funny? It didn’t stop me from eating all of it though:

After that, I fell asleep again. I swear it’s all I tend to do at the weekend. I’m currently making the curry I was planning on making yesterday. I’m not sure how it’s going to go. I didn’t have a casserole dish so couldn’t put it in the oven, but I don’t think that should be too much of a problem.

20:09 (Monday). The curry was really good! It had aubergine in it and I just LOVE that vegetable. I really want to get a deep fat fryer so I can deep fat fry some aubergine. I don’t know why, but I just think that would be SO DELICIOUS. Aww man, I can’t stop thinking about aubergine. Mmmm…aubergine. Anyway, the curry:

img_0689

I was glad it turned out okay because I was in a terrible mood while I was making it. I think my nap put me in a bad mood. I just woke up grumpy. My poor boyfriend came into the kitchen while I was cooking and tried to stir the curry, but I was just like, ‘WHAT are you doing? It’s FINE’. But then he pulled a funny ‘You’re acting really crazy and I’m scared’ kind of face, which made me laugh and everything was grand after that.

So there you have it! My vegan Sunday consisted of:

3x potato scones

5x(?) mushrooms

1x guacamole

2x slices of brown, seeded bread

2x teaspoons(?) hummus

1x butternut squash and aubergine curry with pilau rice

3x bites of nan bread

I did it!!!!!

Well, apart from the cups of tea. And yes, I did say cups. Even after I realised my mistake with the milk I just carried on making the same mistake ALL weekend. Girl gotta have milky tea.

AND OKAY I ALSO HAD 3 LINDOR CHOCOLATE THINGS. I’M SORRY.

 

My Vegan Saturday

My Vegan Saturday

08:04 Although actually, my vegan weekend began last night. Remember I told you I had a friend at work whose boyfriend was vegan so they invited me around for dinner? Well, that happened last night and it was GLORIOUS.

When we arrived, her boyfriend greeted us with cava, these brown corn chip things, and guacamole. If I could, I would come home to that sight EVERY day. And I’m just going to get this out the way now: that guacamole was the TASTIEST guacamole I have ever had. And it was so nice with those brown corn chip things! Then my boyfriend arrived and he said the guacamole was even better than mine, which upset me a little, but I’m over it now. We’re going to invite them around to ours so we can have a GUAC OFF.

Tickets coming soon.

We actually kind of forced him to make us more guacamole, which was both wonderful and terrible. I ATE SO MUCH that I was stuffed by the time dinner – tofu burgers and sweet potato fries – was ready. But did I let the copious amounts of guac consumed prevent me from eating my entire dinner? I did not. He coated the sweet potato fries in some sort of curry sauce, which was majorly professional. That’s what got me about this guy: he can cook!  You know how you normally go around to your friends for dinner and their food is always nice because you’re STARVING, but it’s never the most amazing food in the world? Well, last night was not like that. Everything was pure Masterchef level. So neat, delicate, and tasty. But am I now a fake meat convert? Sorry, but no. I need breaded chicken in my life.

I will say this though: people who cook without meat are much better chefs. They sort of have to be. You can fry a steak and do absolutely nothing to it and it would be DELICIOUS, but I can’t imagine you can do the same with tofu. You’ve actually got to be quite good at the whole negotiating herbs and spices thing.

This has got me thinking that the rest of my vegan weekend is going to be totally shit.

09:14 FUCK. Just remembered that I put milk in the tea that I drank this morning. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?!?!?!

09:57 So because I hadn’t showered and because I really didn’t want to get dressed, I decided to try and make a tasty, vegan breakfast from the contents we already had in our fridge. This meant that for breakfast today I had a bowl of very out of date mushrooms:

img_0670
Mmm…

I’ll have a look at some nice vegan recipes later on and try and make a proper tasty vegan dinner tonight. If it goes well today, I might try and do vegan for a little bit longer. The only problem is that I’m not eating bread. I think I’d find being vegan easy enough if I was eating bread – I’d just have toast and guacamole all day every day – but without it, I don’t really know what I’d eat and enjoy.

I’ll have a look at some recipes.

RIGHT. I really have to go for a shower now. I’m meeting a friend who has THE CUTEST BABY IN THE WORLD soon and I’m so excited.

15:42 Guys, I want a baby so bad. I can hardly write I’m so broody. I think I’m ovulating as well so that can’t be helping. I want a baby, my body wants a baby – everybody wants a baby! Well, except my boyfriend.

Sighs.

Okay, FOOD. I’ve actually managed to stay vegan today (well, apart from that cup of tea with the milk), which feels good! I went to Starbucks and I got a soy milk caramel latte to go. I didn’t know what I wanted – I had to ask – but it tasted great! Although I actually didn’t drink that much of it because I’m not very good at drinking and walking at the same time, and then when we got to my friend’s house I was just so distracted by her lovely baby. My friend got a caramel latte with coconut milk so I might try that tomorrow. She also gave me a book of vegan recipes so I stopped by Tesco on my way home and got all the ingredients to make a nice curry tonight. I know it’s only been half a day (and that I have already kind of failed), but I really think I’m going to try and be vegan for a little bit longer. We even got a take away vegan pizza today and it tasted like a normal pizza! I think they used coconut oil instead of cheese. I could really get on board with this whole vegan thing if I’m allowed to eat pizza.

Oh. I would miss the sausage suppers, though.

16:35 I’VE GOT A BIKE AND IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! One of my friends gave it to me for a very good price and I’m so friggin’ excited to ride it! If I don’t get too drunk tonight, I’m going to go out for a cycle tomorrow. I think I’ll try to cycle to work so I sort of know what I’m doing on Monday morning. I can’t believe I’ve got a bike. I can’t believe I’m being vegan. I’m so… one with nature.

19:00 So after I wrote that last post, I fell fast asleep (the excitement of babies and bikes was obviously just too much), which meant that when I woke up I didn’t have time to make dinner as I had a leaving party to get to. And so, I got my second take away of the day: Sabzi Makhani, which is also vegan!

I am so rocking this whole vegan thing.

Oops (But Also: My Paleo Sunday)

Oops (But Also: My Paleo Sunday)

Well, if I thought I was a failure last weekend it was NOTHING compared to this weekend. I left off my last blog just as I was about to go out for dinner so I’ll carry on from there…

I went out for dinner and, miraculously, I felt so much better once I started drinking again. The Pinot Grigio Rose was going down an absolute TREAT. But then I looked at the menu and realised that there was absolutely nothing Paleo about it, which, I mean, I should have known because how many cavemen would have gone to The Bailie for their dinner? Very few.

I, however, soldiered on  and ended up choosing the Balmoral Chicken as I thought that was the Paleo-ist thing on the menu, but all of my friends were giving me such shit about it! I don’t think they realised how much I had sacrificed in choosing that dish.

img_0657

I mean look at it! It’s basically just meat and veg (and haggis and gravy). I could have had a big sloppy burger or NACHOS or scampi and chips, which is DEFINITELY not Paleo! So I was really proud of myself – I had pretty much succeeded in being Paleo for the entire day. I had dieted for the day and NOT caved. I was really growing.

But then the small hours of Sunday arrived and I could hear the sausage suppers calling. We passed a chipper that was too beautiful to resist so I did it: I went in and I got myself a supper. And you know what? I didn’t even feel guilty. It was so pretty.

Then disaster struck. I tripped and my sausage went flying:

img_0664
This is me trying to save the soggy sausage.
As you can see from the photo above, I picked the sausage up and thought long and hard about eating it, but I eventually decided against it. I have eaten a lot of food off of a lot of floors, but a wet, grimy pavement was too much even for me. Again, I was proud of myself! Dropping my sausage meant that I couldn’t eat it, which meant that I STILL hadn’t failed my diet. But then my friend bought me another sausage, which was really nice and when you think about it, I would have looked like a right cow had I not eaten it.

So I ate it.

Yesterday passed in a hungover blur. I passed out on the couch the night before and slept there instead of in my bedroom. I did wake up in the early hours of the morning and try to make my way back into my bedroom, but I found my BF sleeping next to another friend (who actually has a flat in Edinburgh). My friend looked so peaceful that I decided not to wake him and even though I pretended to be mad when he woke up, I secretly felt all warm and cosy inside that he had stayed. I don’t know why – I was hungover and emotional.

A few friends from Aberdeen had stayed the night too. I actually fell asleep in between my two flat-mates from Uni. It was like a three tiered spoon and it was MAGICAL.

We spent Sunday cuddling, watching TV, farting, eating, and sleeping. It was really nice. I had eggs and bacon for breakfast then a takeaway curry for dinner. I read somewhere that cavemen LOVED chicken korma.

So there you have it! My Paleo weekend consisted of:

1x eggs and sausages

1x balmoral chicken

1x sausage supper

1x eggs and bacon

1x chicken korma takeaway

Next weekend is Vegan time! Stay tuned for further tales of triumphs and failures (but mostly failures).

 

My Pareerlio Saturday

My Pareerlio Saturday

01:25am Hey guys, I’m a little drunk. I went out with my family (who are Irish and like to drink) (I’m not insinuating that the Irish like to drink or anything) and so, like I said, I’m a little bit drunk. ANYWAY. My so-called Boyfriend and friend are just eating BREAD AND BUTTER right in front of me. It’s not that I care. It’s just that I love bread and butter. My BF is sitting next to me now and I can smell the crumbs and hear the crunch. I may have sex with him. I just hope there’s some buttery crumbs left on his face.

I just read out that paragraph to him. He had two pointers: one was that I was talking about sex when my family read this blog (but I’m pretty sure they’ve had sex before) and the other was about how I used the word, “so-called”. I told him that I only used that word because he was eating bread and butter in front of me and it was like he didn’t even care.

I should probably go to bed.

My family are coming around for breakfast in the morning. I need to make them bacon. I didn’t mean to get this drunk tonight. It’s weird writing when drunk! My hands feel a little bumb. (That was meant to be, numb).

Night!

10:54 Uh oh, I really don’t want to post this blog with the above writing, but I feel if I delete it I won’t be being truthful to the Diet Diaries and I VOWED I would tell the truth.

I think I forgot to mention last night that I’m doing the Paleo diet this weekend. Oh. I see I tried to mention it in the title… Oh dear.

All I know about the Paleo diet is that you’re meant to eat the same food as that of a Palaeolithic human. What does that mean? I’m not really sure. I think it’s meant to be all natural food like meat, eggs, nuts, and fish, and that you should avoid sugary processed food that wasn’t around the Palaeolithic human.

I must confess: I’ve made it easy for myself again. The Paleo diet means I can have my eggs and sausages for breakfast! I PROMISE that next weekend I’ll have something different, but I just couldn’t sit there watching my family eat a glorious fatty breakfast, while all I had to munch on was a grapefruit. I’M WEAK, OKAY?

So weak.

13:17 The hangover has hit me hard. I’m quite shaky. And I’m definitely not in the mood for writing.

Breakfast is over. My family left happy. My auntie said I could get a job in her cafe so that was nice. (She doesn’t know that sausages and eggs are pretty much the only thing I can make).

img_0650
I forgot to take a before photo again. This photo is also the wrong way around, but I can’t for the hungover life of me figure out how to fix it.

I’ve been doing some research and technically you’re not allowed tea, but most people have it anyway because it’s full of antioxidants.

My friend, Samir, has just arrived. We’re all going to play Linkee. I think I’m going to lose. I suck on a good day. It seems I can only write in short sentences.

Samir: What’s wrong with you two?

Me: We just fed the 5000.

Samir: How many did you have for breakfast?

Me: 5000.

18:17 My God, I am feeling SO rough. I’ve been sleeping on the couch all day, but it hasn’t done me any good. I’ve got a birthday/leaving party to go to tonight as well. It’s hard having so many friends.

I’ve had a shower and dried my hair, which is definitely the worst part of getting ready. I don’t know how I’m going to do my make-up. My hands are so shaky. We’re going out for dinner in half an hour.

Wish me luck.

 

The Atkins Sunday

The Atkins Sunday

09:28 Morning, everyone! Or well, by the time you read this it might not be morning. Okay…

09:28 [insert time of day here], everyone! I’ve got lots of plans for today. I want to research the Atkins diet (yeah, yeah sing a different tune), make some soup for the coming week, write a bit of my novel, order one of those phone tripod things so I can do some filming while cooking, read my book, and go for a run.

First things first, I don’t think I’m going to go for a run. I’ve done enough exercise this week and my period arrived this morning, which is just the perfect excuse to lie on the couch all day with a hot water bottle. Mother nature’s actually been kind to me this month – I can’t remember the last time my period started at the weekend. It’s nearly always, always, always at work, which is FINE, but I don’t have a hot water bottle at work. And well, when you feel a bit poop you just want to be at home, don’t you?

FUNNY STORY: When I was twelve, my auntie got me a vibrating hot water bottle to help with menstrual cramps. I opened this (very thoughtful) present in front of my granny, my mum, and my three other aunties. I was a little embarrassed so distracted myself with taking off the hot water bottle’s tag. I went to pull it off with my teeth so I could hide my face a bit more, but because I was wearing braces, the tag got stuck and I ended up pulling out the vibrating device, which, um, did not unresemble a dildo. Even worse, my pulling on it turned the vibrating device on so I basically had a VIBRATOR hanging from my teeth. My female family members COLLAPSED on the floor laughing, and I kind of knew why, but also I didn’t really know why (I grew up in the middle of nowhere and I blame that on my complete lack of sexual knowledge).

Needless to say, I found that vibrating hot water bottle to be very helpful in the coming years. Very helpful.

FOOD, FOOD, FOOD. THIS BLOG IS MEANT TO BE ABOUT FOOD.

I haven’t eaten anything yet. I have, however, drank three cups of tea. They were nice.

img_0601

12:09 Since I last wrote, I have had a cup of coffee. I put some hot chocolate in it as well, which made it nice and tasty. I still haven’t eaten anything, but I HAVE made my first cooking video. Or well, my flat-mate is cooking me breakfast and I filmed a little bit of it:

[There was a video here, but my flat-mate asked me to take it down for reasons I’m not allowed to convey.]

SHE HAS A MASSIVE SPOT!

Wait, what?

13:16 It was a really tasty breakfast. I mean, you just can’t fail with eggs and sausages. Eggs are the main reason that I could probably never go vegan. Well, eggs and cheese, but mostly eggs. I just don’t know what my life would be without them! I love them fried, boiled, scrambled, poached, coddled…

What even are coddled eggs?

16:07 Guys, the Atkins diet actually sounds really good! I mean, you’re still allowed to eat all of the good stuff like oil and butter and eggs and MEAT and cheese! And after a week of not eating many carbs, I can honestly say that I’ve been feeling so much better. I’ve hardly been bloated – in fact, the only time I’ve been bloated this week was last night and that was because I ate a tonne of sweets for the first time in a while (when I say a “while”, I mean five days).

Oh, that’s another thing. I really have drastically failed this weekend’s diet and it’s all down to ignorance. I really should have done my research. Apparently, you can’t eat sweets! I just didn’t think that sweets were carbohydrates. But I was WRONG. Damnit. I’m going to be better next weekend, I really am.

I’m making some sweet potato soup this afternoon. The veg is currently roasting in the oven.

img_0611
YAMS! (And carrots).

It’s for my lunch at work this week. I know it’s not the healthiest of vegetables out there, but I had broccoli soup ALL of last week so I thought I deserved a wee treat. And my colleagues will probably appreciate the office not smelling like a prison cafeteria.

18:24 Guys, the period shakes have hit and I want nothing more than a big fat smothered-in-butter crisp sandwich. I can’t stop thinking about bread. And butter. And crisps. And crisp sandwiches.

I walked to Tesco to get my steps up. The part of the walk I enjoyed the most was getting to listen to my new favourite podcast, The Banging Bookclub. Today they were discussing Lolita, which I’ve never read. I’ve heard a lot about it though. Well, I’ve heard a lot of the same thing about it: “You’re, like, TOTALLY on the narrator’s side, you know? You really sympathise with him, which is SCARY.” I would like to read it just to see if this actually happens. The girls on the podcast said it didn’t happen to them, that they hated the narrator. As soon as I’ve read it, I’ll let you know what side I’m on. I have a feeling I’ll be bang smack in the middle.

Oh, and the part of the walk I enjoyed the least was all the people I encountered. Sunday’s are busy and not good for my street rage.

18:53 Just had this conversation with the BF:

BF: Shall we just eat the rest of Lisa’s pizza?

Me: Yes! Or we could go and get our own pizzas?

BF: Yeah?

Me: Yeah, and we can just eat the other food tomorrow?

BF: NO, THAT WAS A TEST AND YOU FAILED.

Me: Awwwwwwwwwww.

BF: But actually, I would quite like some pizza.

Me: Yeah! Shall we go get some?

BF: NO, THAT WAS ANOTHER TEST.

I think my next blog will be about what to eat during a break-up.

19:58 Okay, that’s the Atkins weekend officially OVER. We had steak and salad for dinner:

img_0620

My boyfriend made it and I had asked him if I could just have the steak as I had had ENOUGH of salad, but apparently that’s not a suitable dinner. But I’m actually glad he chose to totally ignore me as the steak went really nicely with the salad (and the gallons of mayonnaise).

So there you have it. My second day of the Atkins diet consisted of:

2x eggs

1x square sausage

1x steak

1x salad

78272983757368762154193203582762635x Quality Streets

I have a confession to make: I carried on eating the Quality Streets even after I found out that they were carbohydrates.

So what have I learned from my Atkins weekend? Well, I’ve learned that I’m a fraud, I’ve learned that I’m a cheat, and I’ve learned that I’m a failure.

Can I blame my period?

The Atkins Saturday

The Atkins Saturday

10:46 Okay so this weekend was really meant to be the Vegan weekend, but social gatherings have got in the way – THAT’S RIGHT I HAVE FRIENDS. A couple of friends from work are coming over tonight to watch The Jinx, a true crime documentary which is apparently even better than Making a Murderer AND Serial. This is a BIG statement. I mean, Making a Murderer was good, but it’s definitely a little biased towards portraying Steven’s innocence whereas Serial IS THE MOST AMAZING TRUE CRIME DOCUMENTARY IN THE WORLD. Sarah Koenig remains totally unbiased throughout the whole series and at the end you just have no idea whether or not Adnan is innocent!!

Oops, this blog is meant to be about food.

So I haven’t really done much reading into the whole Atkins thing – I’m planning on doing that this afternoon – so I’m not sure what the benefits are, but I do know that I’m not allowed to eat any carbs. This shouldn’t be too hard as I’ve been trying to do that anyway as carbs don’t really agree with me PLUS it means I get to have sausages and eggs for breakfast!!!!

I’m going for a run first though (got to get those steps up) and I’m already quite hungry so I had a wee tangerine (the tangerine is actually my flat-mate’s. I’m a terrible person. I’ve also been stealing her coats all week – they’re SO nice).

img_0591
I forgot to take a before photo.

OH I haven’t told you why I had to change to the Atkins diet this weekend. Well, I have ANOTHER friend at work whose boyfriend is vegan and they’ve invited me around for a nice vegan dinner, but they couldn’t do this weekend (because they’re only drinking milkshakes – January, what’s it like, eh?) so I said I would gladly swap my diets around. And then the other friends who are coming around tonight wanted to get a takeaway so I figured I could just get a curry without the rice or nan… That’d be alright won’t it?

I’ll do some research.

14:18 So I still haven’t done any research on the Atkins diet. Basically everything I know about it is from Gavin and Stacey. You know that bit where Pam sits down to have dinner with Gavin and Michael? They’ve got Steak, chips, and peas, and because Pam is on the Atkins diet she substitutes hers chips for another steak so she ends up with two steaks on her plate. “You’re eating ‘alf a cow, woman!”. LOL (like really – I’m laughing out loud right now). In my opinion, it’s one of the funniest bits of Gavin and Stacey, and I think it’s because I can really relate to Pam. Whenever I’m on a dietfor everything I’m not allowed to eat, I double the amount of what I am allowed.

And I wonder why losing weight is so hard…

I am hoping to do some research on the diet later (is this what I’m going to say every weekend?), but at least I’ve got the jist of it. So far I really like it. I had two eggs and two square sausages smothered in brown sauce for breakfast, which was delicious. It was after my run as well so I was really hungry.

QUESTION: How come NO ONE looks red and sweaty when they go out for a run?!?!?!

img_0593
This is what I look like.

Actually, I really don’t think this photo shows just how red and sweaty I get. I’ll try and get a better one next time. I guess it’s just because I’m really, really, really unfit. I mean, my main hobbies include eating, reading, writing, and watching TV. And sleeping. And going to the pub.

God this must be the worst food blog in the world.

15:59 For lunch I had celery, carrots, peppers, and hummus. It was alright, I guess:

img_0595

This reason it was just “alright” is that I’ve been having this all week so today it just felt a little boring. It’s WAY tastier at work. I wonder why that is? Even yesterday it was delicious. ANYWAY. The hummus is homemade – I followed Jamie Oliver’s recipe, or well, I tried to follow it. To be honest, I totally suck at following any kind of instruction. Like, when Jamie said to use one garlic clove, I thought three would definitely be better. So I got three cloves out of the cupboard, but two out of the three were like twin cloves so really I put FIVE cloves of garlic into my hummus (I thought the two extra cloves was just a sign that it needed a bit more). Then I added two extra tablespoons of olive oil (just love the stuff), and instead of using three tablespoons of lemon juice, I used a whole lemon (which is definitely a lot more than three tablespoons). I put in less tahini because it smelled like peanut butter. Maybe I should properly write out these recipes? Maybe next time. Not to rain on Jamie’s parade or anything, but my hummus tasted particularly delicious.

I might write to him.

*Side note* Have you ever ate carrots and celery in an office? I’ve never been more self-conscious of crunching in my life.

22:39 Wow, I’m really not good at writing at night. It took me about five minutes to write that sentence. I should really keep this brief. But also, I’m a little shell-shocked after watching The Jinx. If you haven’t seen it and if you love true crime documentaries then go and watch it now. My friend was NOT lying when she said that it was even better than Making a Murderer and Serial. 

Seriously, it’s really is weird writing at night. It feels a lot more melancholy for some reason. I remember there was one night when I was staying at my Granny’s and I couldn’t sleep because I was feeling really nervous about something so I took out my computer and wrote a blog about it. My Granny, however, didn’t have any internet so I had to publish the blog the next morning. When I actually read over it the next morning though, I deleted it STRAIGHT AWAY. It’s like they say in How I Met Your Mother – “nothing good comes after two o’ clock in the morning”.

They speak the truth.

I think I failed the food blog today. Well, I guess my breakfast and lunch weren’t too bad, but for dinner I just had two battered sausages:

img_0596

Now I know what you’re thinking – there’s chips (a.k.a CARBOHYDRATES) on top of those sausages. I actually asked for just the sausages, but alas the food diet gods wanted to challenge me. And challenge me they did. I welled up a little when I picked off the chips and offered them to my friends (very rarely do I share food).

So there you have it! My first day of the Atkins diet consisted of:

1x tangerine

2x poached eggs

1x square sausage

2x celery sticks

1x carrot

1x yellow pepper

2x battered sausgaes

(and 3x Galaxy Caramel blocks, 2x Quality Street Strawberry Creams, and 1x Quality Street Fudge)

ALSO did you know that carbohydrates are actually in EVERYTHING?! I mean, I’m assuming they were in the batter of the battered sausages, but apparently the Atkins diet is just a LOW carb diet so I think I’m good.

Right, I just took my bra off. This day is OVER.

New Year, New Crazy Weird Food Blog!

New Year, New Crazy Weird Food Blog!

IMG_1025
Hehe. 

Happy new year, everyone! Did you all have a good holiday? Lots of fun, laughter, general merriment, drunkenness, hugs with friends, fights with the family?

I had a lovely time off. Well, despite my mum telling me that my legs had got really fat and then waking up to a Fitbit on Christmas morning. A FITBIT. There couldn’t be another present out there that isn’t anymore unlike me (does that make sense? I’m not really sure…). Although it’s actually turned out that my mum knows me better than myself (yet again) as I’ve really enjoyed having it. I get really depressed when I don’t make the average amount of steps so I’ve started going for long walks and/or runs. My Fitbit also tells me how many calories I’ve burned, which is a mega boost. Did you know that your body burns about 14oo calories just by staying alive? How awesome is that? So you can sit on the couch all day and perfectly justify having another packet of crips. That is so my kind of fitness!

Anyway (New Year’s Resolution Number 1: stop rambling on and just get to the point), I’ve decided to write a new kind of blog. AND I KNOW I KNOW I’VE DONE THIS BEFORE AND JUST GIVEN UP LIKE A HOPELESS DESPICABLE HUMAN BEING WHO CAN’T COMITT TO A SINGLE THING, but this time I’m really going to stick with it.

Seriously.

(I mean I might still cave, but I’m really, really, really going to try not to).

So what is it? Well, for about three months I’m going to try a different fad diet every weekend. I thought about doing it for a week, but then I thought I’ve got to have a realistic goal. There’s no WAY I’d stick a week eating nothing but ‘Prison Loaf’ (yes it’s an actual diet, yes it’s horrifying, and yes it’s on my list). I’ll document each day and each thing I eat and I might even make videos like those Tasty videos – although obviously I’ll have to call my videos ‘Disgusting’.

The Plan:

7th – 8th January: Vegan Weekend (nuts and stuff).

14th – 15th January: Russian Weekend (strange jelly food).

21st – 22nd January: Atkins Weekend (NO CARBS OMG).

28th – 29th January: Posh Weekend (Caviar, fois gras, quails eggs).

4th – 5th February: Baby Food Weekend (Jars of mush).

11th – 12th February: Raw Food Weekend (Animals that are still breathing).

18th – 19th February: Lebanese Weekend (I’m not sure what this is, but I’ve got a Lebanese friend who’s going to give me recipes).

25th – 26th February: Jamie Oliver Weekend (Bit of this, bit of that).

4th – 5th March: Prison Loaf Weekend: (Lots of loaves, no cutlery).

11th-12th March: Scottish Weekend (Sausage suppers, deep fried mars bars, haggis obz).

18th – 19th March: Low Carbon Weekend (Food that doesn’t kill the environment).

25th – 26th March: Five-Bite Weekend (Only allowed to take five bites of food).

1st-2nd April: 70s Cooking Weekend (70s food).

8th – 9th April: Palio Weekend (Diet of the Palaeolithic human).

15th – 16th April: The Zone Weekend (Meat that’s the size of your palm and one potato).

22nd – 23rd April: The Brian Butterfield Weekend (Day of fasting, day of binging).

So that’s my plan. If you have any other suggestions then please don’t let me know what they are in the comments because I’m already going to struggle with this lot. I don’t know what I want to achieve with this blog. I mean, it’s kind of insane that people actually seriously do some of these diets so it’ll be cool to see what two days of it will be like. Going vegan is a bit less extreme, which is why I thought I’d start with that, and it is actually really good for the environment so maybe if I find it ok for two days, I’ll do it for longer after the four months.

HA. Like that would EVER happen.