My Vegan Sunday

My Vegan Sunday

11:03 Ooft. I’m feeling a little hungover today, but I’m definitely not as bad as last weekend. Maybe being vegan helps your hangovers? This diet’s just getting better and better!

I’m watching Rick Stein’s Long Weekends at the minute and it’s my new favourite TV programme. I just love Rick Stein, I love his attitude to food, I love his way with people, I love his LIFE. Get this: he gets to travel around Europe, eat amazing food, and meet lots of amazing people who love food as much as him!!!!! HOW is that a job?! I really hope that he reads my blog one day and that he’ll love it so much that he’ll invite me onto his TV show. Maybe I can travel around with him and write about all the food we try and all the food he makes? He’d be getting a really good deal. He wouldn’t have to pay me (as long as he funded my accommodation) and I’d be like his own personal, positive food critic. I KNOW I wouldn’t have a bad word to say about any of his food. And I have a feeling we’d get on really well as well. We both share the same love of FAT and SALT and all of that delicious good stuff. And! He’s up a hill at the minute and he’s really scared because he doesn’t like heights. I’m pretty sure this dude is a long-lost uncle or something.

Rick, if you’re reading this, PLEASE TAKE ME ON YOUR FOOD TRAVELS YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED I PROMISE YOU.

Anyway. Because I’m a little hungover, I really fancied something a bit greasy and fatty for breakfast so I fried up some mushrooms (this time they were in date) and some potato scones, and I ate them with a big dollop of ketchup:

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FUCKING YUM.

It was delicious and it made me really, really, really, really, really happy.

OKAY, Rick is currently in a hot spring in Iceland and someone is literally feeding him lots of lovely food from the edge of the spring. He is also drinking champagne. That jammy bugger.

12:46 Like Rick, I take pride in the fact that I can pretty much eat anything. I may not like everything, but I sure can eat anything, and sometimes, I can even teach myself to like something. Today, however, I just wish this bravery I have when it comes to food could maybe be transferred into something else. Food and water sports – that’s all I can do. ANYTHING else (and I really do mean anything) tends to strike me with the fear of god.

This is basically just a roundabout way of saying that my first cycle in a city was TERRIFYING.

I grew up in the middle of nowhere. I’m not used to there being more than one car on the road at any given time, I’m not used to traffic lights or lanes, and I’m not used to there being so much people around ALL the time. But having said that, there was a little bit of the cycle that I really enjoyed. I haven’t been on a bike in so long and I forgot how much fun it is! I felt like I was ten years old again! So I really loved pottering around the streets near my flat, but then I came to a busy road and things started to get scary. Basically, I couldn’t make it to work. I tried to find the Water of Leith, but failed, I almost ran over a dog, I almost got ran over myself, and my helmet fell off.

BUT I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP.

I’m just going to get on my bike tomorrow and cycle to work on the main road. It’s really not that bad a road and at least I know exactly where I’m going. I’m going to do it. I am. But for now, I’m going to make some guacamole and drown my sorrows in it. I’m also going to have some bread. It’s the weekend and I want my carbs.

19:15 The guacamole wasn’t that nice. I used a lemon that was really old so I’m wondering if that made it taste a little funny? It didn’t stop me from eating all of it though:

After that, I fell asleep again. I swear it’s all I tend to do at the weekend. I’m currently making the curry I was planning on making yesterday. I’m not sure how it’s going to go. I didn’t have a casserole dish so couldn’t put it in the oven, but I don’t think that should be too much of a problem.

20:09 (Monday). The curry was really good! It had aubergine in it and I just LOVE that vegetable. I really want to get a deep fat fryer so I can deep fat fry some aubergine. I don’t know why, but I just think that would be SO DELICIOUS. Aww man, I can’t stop thinking about aubergine. Mmmm…aubergine. Anyway, the curry:

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I was glad it turned out okay because I was in a terrible mood while I was making it. I think my nap put me in a bad mood. I just woke up grumpy. My poor boyfriend came into the kitchen while I was cooking and tried to stir the curry, but I was just like, ‘WHAT are you doing? It’s FINE’. But then he pulled a funny ‘You’re acting really crazy and I’m scared’ kind of face, which made me laugh and everything was grand after that.

So there you have it! My vegan Sunday consisted of:

3x potato scones

5x(?) mushrooms

1x guacamole

2x slices of brown, seeded bread

2x teaspoons(?) hummus

1x butternut squash and aubergine curry with pilau rice

3x bites of nan bread

I did it!!!!!

Well, apart from the cups of tea. And yes, I did say cups. Even after I realised my mistake with the milk I just carried on making the same mistake ALL weekend. Girl gotta have milky tea.

AND OKAY I ALSO HAD 3 LINDOR CHOCOLATE THINGS. I’M SORRY.

 

Oops (But Also: My Paleo Sunday)

Oops (But Also: My Paleo Sunday)

Well, if I thought I was a failure last weekend it was NOTHING compared to this weekend. I left off my last blog just as I was about to go out for dinner so I’ll carry on from there…

I went out for dinner and, miraculously, I felt so much better once I started drinking again. The Pinot Grigio Rose was going down an absolute TREAT. But then I looked at the menu and realised that there was absolutely nothing Paleo about it, which, I mean, I should have known because how many cavemen would have gone to The Bailie for their dinner? Very few.

I, however, soldiered on  and ended up choosing the Balmoral Chicken as I thought that was the Paleo-ist thing on the menu, but all of my friends were giving me such shit about it! I don’t think they realised how much I had sacrificed in choosing that dish.

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I mean look at it! It’s basically just meat and veg (and haggis and gravy). I could have had a big sloppy burger or NACHOS or scampi and chips, which is DEFINITELY not Paleo! So I was really proud of myself – I had pretty much succeeded in being Paleo for the entire day. I had dieted for the day and NOT caved. I was really growing.

But then the small hours of Sunday arrived and I could hear the sausage suppers calling. We passed a chipper that was too beautiful to resist so I did it: I went in and I got myself a supper. And you know what? I didn’t even feel guilty. It was so pretty.

Then disaster struck. I tripped and my sausage went flying:

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This is me trying to save the soggy sausage.
As you can see from the photo above, I picked the sausage up and thought long and hard about eating it, but I eventually decided against it. I have eaten a lot of food off of a lot of floors, but a wet, grimy pavement was too much even for me. Again, I was proud of myself! Dropping my sausage meant that I couldn’t eat it, which meant that I STILL hadn’t failed my diet. But then my friend bought me another sausage, which was really nice and when you think about it, I would have looked like a right cow had I not eaten it.

So I ate it.

Yesterday passed in a hungover blur. I passed out on the couch the night before and slept there instead of in my bedroom. I did wake up in the early hours of the morning and try to make my way back into my bedroom, but I found my BF sleeping next to another friend (who actually has a flat in Edinburgh). My friend looked so peaceful that I decided not to wake him and even though I pretended to be mad when he woke up, I secretly felt all warm and cosy inside that he had stayed. I don’t know why – I was hungover and emotional.

A few friends from Aberdeen had stayed the night too. I actually fell asleep in between my two flat-mates from Uni. It was like a three tiered spoon and it was MAGICAL.

We spent Sunday cuddling, watching TV, farting, eating, and sleeping. It was really nice. I had eggs and bacon for breakfast then a takeaway curry for dinner. I read somewhere that cavemen LOVED chicken korma.

So there you have it! My Paleo weekend consisted of:

1x eggs and sausages

1x balmoral chicken

1x sausage supper

1x eggs and bacon

1x chicken korma takeaway

Next weekend is Vegan time! Stay tuned for further tales of triumphs and failures (but mostly failures).

 

My Pareerlio Saturday

My Pareerlio Saturday

01:25am Hey guys, I’m a little drunk. I went out with my family (who are Irish and like to drink) (I’m not insinuating that the Irish like to drink or anything) and so, like I said, I’m a little bit drunk. ANYWAY. My so-called Boyfriend and friend are just eating BREAD AND BUTTER right in front of me. It’s not that I care. It’s just that I love bread and butter. My BF is sitting next to me now and I can smell the crumbs and hear the crunch. I may have sex with him. I just hope there’s some buttery crumbs left on his face.

I just read out that paragraph to him. He had two pointers: one was that I was talking about sex when my family read this blog (but I’m pretty sure they’ve had sex before) and the other was about how I used the word, “so-called”. I told him that I only used that word because he was eating bread and butter in front of me and it was like he didn’t even care.

I should probably go to bed.

My family are coming around for breakfast in the morning. I need to make them bacon. I didn’t mean to get this drunk tonight. It’s weird writing when drunk! My hands feel a little bumb. (That was meant to be, numb).

Night!

10:54 Uh oh, I really don’t want to post this blog with the above writing, but I feel if I delete it I won’t be being truthful to the Diet Diaries and I VOWED I would tell the truth.

I think I forgot to mention last night that I’m doing the Paleo diet this weekend. Oh. I see I tried to mention it in the title… Oh dear.

All I know about the Paleo diet is that you’re meant to eat the same food as that of a Palaeolithic human. What does that mean? I’m not really sure. I think it’s meant to be all natural food like meat, eggs, nuts, and fish, and that you should avoid sugary processed food that wasn’t around the Palaeolithic human.

I must confess: I’ve made it easy for myself again. The Paleo diet means I can have my eggs and sausages for breakfast! I PROMISE that next weekend I’ll have something different, but I just couldn’t sit there watching my family eat a glorious fatty breakfast, while all I had to munch on was a grapefruit. I’M WEAK, OKAY?

So weak.

13:17 The hangover has hit me hard. I’m quite shaky. And I’m definitely not in the mood for writing.

Breakfast is over. My family left happy. My auntie said I could get a job in her cafe so that was nice. (She doesn’t know that sausages and eggs are pretty much the only thing I can make).

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I forgot to take a before photo again. This photo is also the wrong way around, but I can’t for the hungover life of me figure out how to fix it.

I’ve been doing some research and technically you’re not allowed tea, but most people have it anyway because it’s full of antioxidants.

My friend, Samir, has just arrived. We’re all going to play Linkee. I think I’m going to lose. I suck on a good day. It seems I can only write in short sentences.

Samir: What’s wrong with you two?

Me: We just fed the 5000.

Samir: How many did you have for breakfast?

Me: 5000.

18:17 My God, I am feeling SO rough. I’ve been sleeping on the couch all day, but it hasn’t done me any good. I’ve got a birthday/leaving party to go to tonight as well. It’s hard having so many friends.

I’ve had a shower and dried my hair, which is definitely the worst part of getting ready. I don’t know how I’m going to do my make-up. My hands are so shaky. We’re going out for dinner in half an hour.

Wish me luck.

 

Too Much Time

Too Much Time

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I’ve had a lot of time on my hands recently, which is probably why I’ve started blogging again. Like last week I had the flu, which meant I spent the majority of time in bed, eating ice cream and listening to Harry Potter (don’t say I don’t know how to treat myself). Then it was my birthday and I’d already booked a couple of holidays off work and then, miraculously, I somehow got three days off in row. I think it’s probably because I’m working a seven day straight after these three days so they’re bringing me up before they bring me down.

Stupid corporate world.

It’s been a little weird having this much free time. I definitely haven’t used it wisely. I’m not even sure how I’ve spent it if I’m honest. OH, I KNOW!!! I was Facebook stalking someone and saw they’d put up a picture of some custard, a spoon, and a tv series I’d never heard of before. Now, the girl that I was stalking was someone I knew from University (and by “knew” I mean we were shoved into a presentation group for one semester and so would meet once a week so I could tell her the plot of the novel she hadn’t read), and she was pretty awesome. I had a I-want-to-be-her sort of crush on her. Her eyebrows were always untidy and she smoked and she did creative writing and was Glaswegian and lived with her Mum and a cat – see? She’s really is pretty awesome, which is why I occasionally stalk her so I can find out where I’m going wrong.

ANYWAY, back to my free time. So I saw the custard, the spoon, and the tv series, and I thought, You know what? That looks like a pretty swell way to spend my evening so I started watching the tv series. It’s called Sugar Rush – ever heard of it? If you haven’t, I would THOROUGHLY recommend it. It’s about a gay teenage girl living in London who has a massive crush on her hot best friend. I’m actually so jealous that I didn’t write it. It’s quirky and funny and intelligent and everything I would hope to write one day.

Other than that, I’ve just been chilling. I’m sitting in a cafe right now. I’ve just ordered a cappuccino, even though I only ever drink coffee in summer. I’m actually so excited for summer. Well, I’m looking forward to the longer, sunnier days (I realise I live in Scotland, but I’m being optimistic), but I’m also feeling a little nervous because I’m giving myself until summer to figure out my life, career, future plans bla bla bla. I’ll probably do absolutely nothing about them in true me style, but it’s good to have goals.

Ooh, my coffee’s just arrived and it looks and smells delicious. I’ve probably totally ruined it by putting three sugars in it.

Whoops.

I’m sort of dreading going back to work tomorrow. I’m working in an opticians and whenever I go away for a wee while, knowledge about contact lenses and wear schedules and cataract surgery completely falls out of my head. I’m just really hoping it’s not my lens lesson day tomorrow. That’s when I have to teach people how to wear contact lenses and my lessons are so sketchy that we should probably be sued. The patients look at me all red eyed and teary, having finally managed to put their contact lenses in (probably inside out) and ask, “Was that ok?” and I just smile and nod, while inwardly I’m completely freaking out that I’ve blinded them.

(I’ve finished my coffee so I’ve decided to order a smoothie. It’s called Purple and it’s got beetroot, raspberry, and banana in it. I’m excited and proud of myself for being healthy.)

Once I finish my novel, I’m totally going to write a tv series based in an Opticians. I can’t believe it’s never been done before. My colleagues can – they think that no one would like to watch something so unbelievably boring as a tv series based in an Opticians, but I think they’re wrong. I actually think they’re just worried about how I’m going to portray them, which I guess is a pretty reasonable worry. Whenever I write about people, I do tend to portray them in a somewhat negative light. I don’t mean to. I normally write about people I really like as well, but they just come off as monsters, idiots, or alcoholics. I keep telling everyone that the characters will just be based on them and that I’m going to exaggerate like CRAZY, but they’re still very apprehensive. OOH, my smoothie’s arrived. And it looks so pink, healthy, and delicious!

Takes sip of smoothie and almost gags.

Yep. It tastes like soil.

Another Friday Night, Another Cup of Tea

Another Friday Night, Another Cup of Tea

I MISS DRINKING! Although, considering I have a wee tipple before going to my bed pretty much every night (yes, I’m drinking alone, but no, I’m not an alcoholic – I like the taste and it helps me sleep and also, isn’t a glass of wine a day healthy? SO STOP JUDGING), I’m hardly in the position to say that I actually miss alcoholso really, I miss getting drunk. Ah, that blissful state of fuzzy wuzziness. Yep, it’s the fuzzy wuzziness I miss.

The fuzzy wuzziness.

Boredom levels have reached a new high (or low?) at the Spar. I was stacking Coke bottles the other night and got so excited (too excited) when I saw a Share one with…and then the name of a friend! Oh my goodness, this is a Dear Diary moment!!!! I immediately took a photo and sent it to him.

I don’t think he was as amused as I was.

BUT THEN, half an hour later or so, I was stacking some more Coke bottles when I saw ANOTHER friend’s name! Freaky or what? So I went and got my other friend (in coke bottle form) and put them next to each other. Aww, sweet. And that was the moment that my awe-inspiring plan was born – Tonight, I will find all my friend’s names and get a picture of them all together! Oh my goodness, this is going to be so much fun. 

Turns out, it wasn’t. Three crates of coke later, I only found one other name, although I did find “Bobby”, which I thought I could use to my advantage since there is a sub-group within our group of friends known as “The Boabies” (Scottish slang for penis). But alas, my awe-inspiring plan just looked sad:

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Hey my little coke bottle friends! Looking gooooood!

And then I had to explain myself to the owners:

Owners: Josie, why did you open three crates of coke?

Me: Oh yeah, that – yeah, I didn’t realise that one was already open and then I forgot that I had opened another one…

(Quick thinking or what?)

Owners: Right…

Pffft. They were looking at me as though I was crazy, but imagine if I’d said “Oh that, I was just trying to find my friends!” They would have at least considered letting me go and so it is with this blog, that I do give you another example illustrating the necessity to tell a little white lie to people one barely knows.